Red Riding Hood

Grandma’s Neighbor – Boris

 

 

It was a cold winters night on the little road of riding. The only sound that was present was the hooting of nearby owls. Out of the darkness staggers a haggard, naked, cursing man. As he stumbles into the second of the two houses on the lane, he curses even more. Boris’s house is an old, hand built, wooden cottage. When the nights are cold the cottage is warm, when the nights are hot, the cottage is cool. The interior or the cottage is simple; Single bed, a fireplace that contains dusty, unused logs. There is a fluffy sheepskin rug in the center of the second of the two rooms, which also contains a hand crafted single wooden chair. “It has happened again Ted, waking up in the blackness of night in only my birthday suit without any knowledge of how I got there” Boris states. “It’s because you’re eating cheese before you go to sleep” replies Ted, “It’s keeping us on edge each night.” “Stop talking to me damn it, I’m tired and I’m going to sleep, just stay out of my way”.

 

The next morning, the chirping of birds and the rustling of leaves has replaced the sounds of owls. Next-door Boris can hear Grandma singing. “I guess her grand daughter, Red is coming to visit again” Ted says, “she only ever sings when Red is coming by”. As Boris attempts to climb out of his bed he is strained by a fresh bruise, which can be found on his hip “must have gotten that on our adventures last night hey Boris?” Ted says, “I told you to stop talking to me, I still haven’t forgiven you for what happened last month. With Sandra I really did like her,” replies Borris. As Boris makes his way towards his tub to begin putting hot water in it, he is interrupted by the sound of knocking on his front door. Boris gets closer to the door he begins to catch the scent of fresh muffins, when he gets even closer still he begins to make out the hood of Little Red through the stained glass windows. “Good morning Mr. Boris, would you like a muffin? They have got freshly picked blue berries in them” Red states, “Why thank you red, I trust your journey down from your mother’s house was pleasant?” he replies “yes” answers Red, “it was enjoyable, the sun was out and the roads were clear of strangers” “oh I am gla-“ “actually, now you say it” interrupts Red, “there was an incident where a large wolf attempted to steal my basket of muffins. I swung at him with a stick and managed to catch him on his rear” “oh that sounds terrible, i trust you are ok though?” he replies “yes, yes, I am fine but the wolf ran off scared with his tail between his legs yelping” they both chuckled in unison. “Anyway Red, I need to get myself in the tub, I can’t believe I have slept in so late, give your Grandma my best wishes” “I will, thank you Boris”.

 

As Boris makes his way across the lounge to the tub, crumbs from the muffin drop and get mashed into the rug beneath his feet. “The muffins tastes great!” Ted exclaims. Boris just ignores him and commences filling his tub. Once Boris is clean and in new fresh new clothes the time is verging on the evening. “Our night trips take it out of you big guy” Ted begins. “Yea well, I don’t voluntarily go out on these escapades…” he replies “oh? So you are talking to me again now? How pleasant of you” “shut up you fairy”.  “Grandma has invited us round to her house for a little gathering if you are interested in coming along?” Boris says, “Well, I don’t have a choice really do I?” replies Ted. As Boris makes his way to Grandma’s house he spots that there are more than two shadows within the house. “Look like they have invited Lumber Jack again, I am beginning to think he has got a thing for Little Red” Ted says, “stop talking you, and try and keep your mouth shut when we are inside you know they get a bit uneasy when you make an appearance” “yes sir, sorry sir”, “And stop with the sarcastic comments, no wonder people don’t like you”. As Boris goes to knock on the firm oaken door to ask for entry the sudden opening of the door beats him. “BORIS!” exclaims Lumber Jack “welcome to our little gathering, come in, come in” “thank you Jack, I trust you are well?” questions Boris. “Ah yes, I am splendid, finally managed to get Sandra out of my mind, finding a body in that state whilst out chopping wood… Had nightmares for weeks.” Lumber jack begins “I believe you were fond of Sandra, I am sorry for your loss, for her to get taken away at such a young age and in such a ferocious manner, people are saying it was a wolf.” “I was attacked by a wolf on the way down from mother’s house, it seems they are getting a bit more adventurous now.” States Red, “Ah yes, but our Little Red fended the beast of with a stick, hit him right on the rump she claims”. “I think you’ll find it was on the hip” Ted says “Shut up Ted!” Boris exclaims” As Red and Jack exchange uneasy looks they are saved by Grandma. “The tea is ready if you will all come on through and please, no more talk of wolves”.

 

As everyone sat down eager to receive their cups of tea, there was a selection of biscuits, ranging from cookies, custard crèmes and Grandma’s special nougat surprise. For the rest of the evening there was talk of the weather, Little Red’s schoolwork and Lumber Jack’s forest adventures. When Boris’ turn came he could not think of what to talk about, then Ted began “Well, I have been doing a lot of hiking lately, have you ever been to the blue fountains of Westvale? It is a beautiful, amazing place. I couldn’t stay in the house after the events of Sandra and just decided to leave for a week or two to re discover myself”. Boris was thankful for the save. Questions followed questions that Ted happily answered. As everyone was saying their farewells, Boris gave Jack a firm handshake good bye, Little Red a hug and Grandma a kiss on the cheek. On the way back down the road of riding, Boris began “thanks for that back there Ted, I just completely froze, I just can’t stop thinking of the mishaps in the recent evenings. I completely forgot of our trip to the fountains.” “No worries pal, lets just get to bed, by the way. Is Grandma allergic to nuts?” “I think so, she doesn’t seem to have nuts in any of her treats, also I’m sure that she passed on our gift of hazelnut chocolates to Red last Christmas.” “Ah excellent news. My pistachio flavored lip balm will do wonders on that cheek of hers in that case”. As Ted began to chuckle a deep and dark laugh Boris was in shock he thought to himself would Ted be evil enough to put pistachio lip balm on me like that, with full knowledge of her allergies? “Yes I am that evil Boris,” replies Ted.

 

That evening Boris struggled to sleep, the thought of how the lip balm would affect Grandma was constantly playing on his mind. As he exited his bedroom he moved into the lounge, as he sat on his single chair, Ted awoke, “what are you doing up at this time?” “I can’t believe you, you have possibly killed grandma by bringing her in contact with peanuts. It’s a good job I only kissed her on the cheek.” “Ah” Replies Ted, “I may have also offered it to Lumber Jack and Little Red, sure Jack only kissed her on the cheek as well but, Little Red shared her cup of tea, kissed her on the lips and shared a custard crème.” “I can’t believe you!” Boris exclaimed “you have done this on purpose, why would you wish ill to lovely Grandma. In fact, don’t answer, I can’t stand to look upon you, I am going for a walk to calm down. As Boris made for the door he was suddenly hit by a blast of dizziness, he tried to keep on towards the door, each step harder than the last. As he reached for the handle he completely lost balance and hit the ground hard.

 

The chirping birds had returned, as Boris’ sleep encrusted eyes struggled to open he found himself in bed with a large lump located on the side of his head. It was past mid-day yet, strangely he was not hungry. “We ate last night” Ted started “I can’t remember what happened last night, it is happening more and more often, I thought I could control it. It was all going so well, I am sure it is due to my high blood pressure.” As Boris made his way toward the tub to begin filling it with hot water the front door began to bang.  This time the large figure of Lumber Jack could be made out through the stained glass windows, as Boris began to open the door Jack completed the motion and marched inside. “Another body!” Jack started “In my forest, another body! Can you believe it? This one has had both her arms ripped off and had a large amount of flesh savagely ripped out. It’s that wolf again, and to make matters worse, Grandma is bed stricken, it looks like an allergic reaction. She must be getting to that age where she is even forgetting what can kill her and what is an acceptable savory snack”.

As Jack began to take the only seat in the house, he began to look around at the interior of the log cottage. “Nice place you have here, not much room for two people but, I guess it’s a good job you are by yourself then” when Jack began to laugh Boris started to feel uneasy “Another wolf attack you say? When and where did the attack take place?” Boris enquired, “the wolf is getting more and more confident, this attack was very early this morning, just after mid night I believe. Her corpse was found in the middle of the path where the road of riding meets dampened close”. “That’s terrible Jack, and this news of Grandma, she is suffering from an allergic reaction from peanuts you say?” “Aye, silly women she is dangerously ill, Little Red is coming down tomorrow, it seems Red’s monthly visit is going to become a regular every day visit with Grandma in this state.” “Yes, how lucky of us” replies Ted. Boris makes a face at Ted that is so threatening that Ted takes his leave. “I will go round and express my sympathy later today, perhaps I will take her some of my own made tea, don’t worry my tea does not contain any nuts”, as Boris and Jack exchanged laughter and jokes an hour had passed. “Well, I best be off Boris, it was nice to spend time with you, if you ever get lonely by yourself in here just come on down to my cabin, I have got some chesty whiskey aging in my shed out back. I would be more than happy to share with you”, “thank you Jack, I will come round at some point, good bye.”

 

As Jack disappeared from the end of the road of riding, Ted reappeared “can I come with you to visit Grandma tomorrow, I would love to see what my handy work has done” as an evil smirk began to appear on Ted’s face Boris swung his fist at him, “don’t be such a fool Boris. You live in a single cottage, which contains only two rooms. You know who and what I am. You are yet to admit it. I am you, you are me now don’t be silly and let me have a go of our body.” As Boris attempted to reply, in his shock and disbelief he fell to the floor in a state of terror, his final vision was that of Ted entering his body.

 

When Boris awoke he began to search for Ted, he was nowhere to be seen. Had I been imagining it? He thought to himself. Once again he made his way towards the tub, he began to fill the tub with hot water. As he entered into the deep steaming pools of his tub he was interrupted by Ted’s reappearance. So you have finally accepted that I am you, you are me. Do not worry, I did not go out and savagely ravage another poor little girl last night, my appetite wasn’t large enough for me to feast upon the flesh of a human. I just settled for the flesh of a deer. Now come on, get out of the tub, we need to visit Grandma. Boris had to accept that Ted was part of him. All of the recent horrors were his doing. As Boris made his way towards Grandma’s house he stopped in his tracks. In front of him was a basket of muffins tipped over, next to the overturned basket was a hole. As Boris got closer, he could hear the whimpering of Little Red. Boris was about to call out when Ted took over I am going to let you witness what you are about to do this time Boris, my good friend. Boris was wide-awake with a birds-eye view of himself accept, he could not control his actions. Before his eyes, his weak, puny body of a man was changing into that of a full sized wolf, walking on two legs and marching towards the house of Grandma. Boris attempted to cry out to warn Grandma, to help Little Red, but all he could do was stand and watch as if he was a ghost floating as a third unseen person.

As Ted approached the door he smashed through and charged Grandma. She was dead within seconds, lying in bed with a feverish brow and blurred vision she couldn’t see her attacker. Within minutes Grandma resembled that of a pound of flesh. Ted made his way outside. He stood over Little Red, no longer was Ted in the shape of a wolf but instead impersonating Boris, and Boris was incapable of stopping him. With cool collected steps Ted began to walk down to red he froze suddenly. Boris felt an itching sensation in his back, then Ted’s body jolted again, another itching sensation appeared in the back of Boris’ head, then it was made clear to both Boris and Ted. Jack was standing in the door to grandma’s house with his axe raised with two hand axes missing from his belt, which were firmly in Ted’s back and head. Boris felt a sense of relief wash over him, Ted was dead, the monster was down and out. “Little Red are you ok? That bastard Boris has turned rabid I always knew something wasn’t right about him.” As Boris attempted to plead his case he realized that he was drifting towards his axe-ridden body,

no! it wasn’t me! It was Ted! No! You have the wrong person!